Obviously everything hasn't been typed yet. I'm still finding things in various notebooks and index cards... but this covers most of 2000-to the present and I'd say almost all of the 03-04 period
Shut your dingy ass up and when I say dingy I mean your IQ & the fact that you are the size of a sea worthy vessel
-Lindasy Mitchell ( about Beth)
The Dollar went down because of Powerade
-Mr. Bruhn
You can’t wear a long sleeve shirt AND a jacket together
Blondes are Blondes and that’s it.
It’s like ear sex….
John “Audobon” Emery
G-school 2001
Total Incompetence is not an excuse
Ms. Baker is an angry white woman
Paul IS the pimpin’ pilgrim
If you notice, morons move in heards
If you are Dave Bova you only need $4 – you can attain the rest from the 3 guys you are juggling
Ice cream shouldn’t be that hard to eat
-Kathryn
Off with the shirt chief
-Bova
Now I know what it’s like to be Mr. Bova’s boyfriend.
-JW
Jesus exists, circles don’t.
-Steve
I’m not wearing pants, am I?… I’ll put them on outside.
-JW (Before exiting the dressing room to find the ENTIRE GSFTA staff outside at end of hall waiting)
….An incredibly late night at John’s Dorm with Ian, last night at G-School. John is Temporarily insane and only vaugely coherent from sleep deprivation...circa about 2am...
Cheeze-whiz is a fine adhesive
JW
If you are going to obsess learn the persons name
JW
My Brown Package Utensil is in pieces, F-it.
JW
I’m not wearing Harry Potter underwear… right now
-Ian
Call you a railroad and work you all the live long day –not necessarily a sexual comment
Dinah won’t you blow your horn – IS a sexual comment. Disgusting.
JW
My toes remind me of someone’s sternum
JW
Gilbert and Sullivan both had Sternums. Mr. Bova has a big sternum, Mr. Robbns has a little one.
JW
Little Birdies eat cake – after they make it, of course
JW
YOU…You are Fire
JW
I want to marry spiderman
JW
There’s a penny in my pillow!!
JW
I have NEVER licked paper before.
JW
Elton John is gay as a dollar
JW
Brian Lenville and Miranda are going out to the movies on dates when they want to see movies
JW
Sprite cans are written much like Entertainment Magazines
JW
Sprite is gay because Halle Berry took off her top
JW
Carrie Strug is HOTTTTT
JW
Leanne Rhimes isn’t an Olympic medallist… but she did sue her father
-JW
I fell for a Catholic Jew
-JW
Space Bags Suck… The air out of the junk
-infomercial
What the Hell is Smack the Pony?
- BC questioning really lame band on late night show in g-school lounge
Are we sure that Napkin-Bigfoot is really the Greatest band in the world?
-BC
All pictures must have a point
-Ian
I needed to find out how being Canadian effects my career
-question from late late late late infomercial
There are Strange things done in the midnight sun
-Ian
Russians do know how to form pyramids
-infomercial
(In refernce to Silent Movie actresses apparently unable to speak english)
First Movie w/ sound came out and NYA NYA NYA comes out
-Bruhn
Poor People eat potatoes, why? Because you can do anything with a potato.
-Art Bruhn
(As he conspiratorially closes the blinds)
Now look class, You make not like it, but it's happening. And they may be coming to take our jobs and our money and culture but we're gonna have to get used to it.
Who?
Mexicans
-Art Bruhn
First car in Florida with no heater
-Art Bruhn
Now look gang Im not a racist, , and I would even invite him over to the house of course he wasn't allowed inside, because that's just not what we did back then. But we'd pass him a piece of chicken throught the window.
-Art Bruhn
$20 to Brad Cupples From Sam Reno if John West is Completey Straight (no experimenting) by the time he graduates.
My Last Lover by Brian Bailey… We met at boy scout camp.
I think sex before marriage is immoral but… *crazy grin* I think it would be fun
-BB
You guys have never been to a hog-roast? What?!?! You guys have NEVER been to a hog-roast?!
-BB First night out at Applebee’s Freshman
You’re fags, you’re all fags
B.B. as we drop him off at his car
So I said yes I’ll castrate you in my next show
What??
I said I ‘ll cast you in my next show… You freshman are so jumpy these days
-Joe
Oh… they’re just havin’ a good ole time out there!
-BB commenting on Twelfth Knight antics.
Yeah, because white stuff come out of your eyes you know.
-Mcoy
That’s good Adam, now stay with us.
-B. Robertson to Adam Lake
Adam Lake: And I’m like I’m gonna go slit my wrists now…
B. Robertson: Good! (pause) I mean… yeah, Adam, go ahead and slit your wrists. Heh heh
I’m a risk taker I went to Europe
-Kubiak
I’m gonna be the next tom cruise
-Guy in essentials of tar class
Guys play cards with me!
-Kubiak to other guards ONSTAGE
Hatton: Is anyone else having any major problems?
Kubiak (trying to get Mike Hatton’s attention): Hey… Mike… um, yeah… Mike… umm Mike, My Helmet…
Hatton: Yeah Mike?
Kubiak: Yeah my helmet doesn’t fit.
-Thus Kubiak stops a La Mancha dress rehersal because his helmet doesn’t fit.
You know what it feels like to get hit in the head with a pike?
(beat)
I do.
(beat)
It hurts
(beat)
a lot.
-Kubiak on getting hit in the head with a pike
Some goathead…(valley girl voice) “Oh, yeah… I’m gonna be a moviestar… the next Tom Cruise...” Yeah we’ll see how long that lasts. I’m guessing next year… see ya.
-Joe (for the record Tom Cruise guy didn’t come back the next semester –but I did get a copy of his Christian rock band’s demo cd before he left)
Chris Wesselman: If you drink Pepsi or Coke & throw up, it looks like there’s blood in your vomit & they’ll take you to the doctor.
(beat)
(beat)
BC: Who is “they”?
-Wesselman’s medical advice 2002
Well I hope he’s gay he’s a good lookin’ guy
-BB
She sounded attractive but she’s clearly incompetent
-JW
Ashcraft: Passion…passion play – About the – Passion Play?
(Sam Stops)
(Starts Walking again)
Ashcraft: The Passion Play…
Sammy Z: Are you Talking to me?
-Brandon Ashcraft (trying to ask a question though obviously Sam isn’t listening)
Dennying Reason and refusing to use one's judgement does not lead to happiness. The issue of whether there is a God or not can be settled now. There is a lot to lose by believing in a God. You lose the ability to solve your own problems. You lose a lot of time spent in churches or prayer. You lose the confidence and clear thinking which comes from knowing that you are responsible for your own behavior and actions. Even if there were a God, and you believed in his existence, which religion would you follow? Suppose you believed in God but picked the wrong religion to follow? What would happen to you in the afterlife?
- Dr. Gordon Stein.
Artistically Artistic in Matters that don't Matter.
-BC
Complete Incompetence is not an excuse.
-BC
Dildos from Antiquity
-Dr. Sammy Z feelgood
I’m Brian Bailey and I play gus in Babes in Arms and I’m a feisty sonofabitch --- And I like it!
-BB in mic check
(In regards to his lactose intolerance)
It's pretty bad when I have to eat cereal out of a box...with my hand.
-Moron-face
People say you have to drink milk to have strong bones...Hell I got some strong-ass toenails...thick as hell.
-Moron-face
I bullshit you not, them damn planes flying together looked like damn UFO's flying all in sequential... In-formation
-Moron-face
(In reference to radio show about moon landing being fake)
That'd be like you sayin' you made a Jetpack to fly to the moon, an' you did, and then they said you didn't, but you really did.
-Moron-face
Is Mike Miller Jewish?
I dunno
Why would he say "Shalom"
Well he is Mike Miller maybe he was being absurd.
That's possible....but it's so bizarre
It would be like him though.
True... But it's just so bizarre.
-Megan Colthorpe and Katie Sabin reading Piece of My Heart Program
(In regards to an old girlfriend that lived out in the country)
Man, it was like back in the Beverly Hillbillies time
-Moron-face
Since when was it we stopped makin' them be slaves?
1860's end of the civil war.
18 or 1960's?
-Moron-face
(In reference to my querry about pay)
It's different on hollidays and they don't count them pidly ass hollidays like April Fool's day.
-Moron-face
What made the Bald Eagle start turning extinct?
Deforestation, lack of land and food...
I did a report on 'em when I was in el-e-ment'ry school.
-Moron-face
Whatever you do don't get old
(for the record he is 28)
-Moron-face
(Eng Class)
jg: I changed my topic.
me: to what?
jg: Cheating in couples.
<hot >
-Jade "Hot Meg Ryan" Gree
I ain't never seen that one yet neither
-Moron-face
(In regards to his High School rituals)
Power Rangers man I liked that. I couldn't watch that other crap that came on before I went to school that Sixty Minutes and all that shit. (Or what sane people call the News)
-Moron-face
P: What can I get you to drink
BC: She's already got it
P: (sideways and shifty) She's takin' out of turns again.... (walks away coldly)
-Peroxide at Perkins about new waitress
I’ve got a stomach for some very sick-uh-neeng stuff but I can’t even stomach that one there
-Moron-face
The movie Blue Thunder, it had to deal with this helicopter... The Blue Thunder...I don't know if you've seen it... Blue Thunder?
-Moron-face
Clamp a pair of vice-grips on your nuts and whistle and that's how high he talked.
-Moron-face
Don’t ever start havin’ them what do you call’em.. brainfarts, cause when you do start it’s over… I get ‘em every twenty minutes O’re something like that.
-Moron-face
Let a cobra him... yeah, he's alright, but let another style bite him. He may be immune to them but let some new kind...like a purple snake bite him... some shit we ain't never seen before. stuff that comes out when the moon turns green and they crawl out from underground...that'll get him.
-Moron-face
Some people say Unicorns ain't real but some of um say they wuz. Hell I figure someday they might find some Island somewhere...an hell I'd be affraid Id get a damn horn in my chest.
-Moron-face
I don't know how you like age but Lyn, I think she's about 36. Her damn tubes are tied cut and singed. She's got a thing, if you're with her for 2 months she'll do ANYTHING, suck your nuts, dick, ANYTHING ANYTIME. She'll do stuff even if you don't want her to do something. She'll catch you offguard to see if you like it...and sometimes you do...and sometimes you don't but that's some messed up shit.
-Moron-face
they say adam and eve was the first two people on earth. I say, then how'd they get all them other countries. They must have done a lot of screwing to get all them red skinned, yeller skinned, and black skinned people.
-Moron-face
Alien vs Predator comes out this year--- that's gonna be one hellacious movie. 'cause they both know how to start tearin' shit up.
-Moron-face
(In reference to the owl)
I bullshit you not, you can hear that fucker but you can't see him.
-Moron-face
They could rule out accidental death or fowl play whichever one isn't murderin'
-Moron-face
(as drops of sweat fall profusely onto my arm from his face)
You'll have to excuse me for being late I.... got held up... at McDonalds
-Tom Thadius Snow
Brian Bailey the singing Pope!
-My thoughts on ‘Invalid’
That Terminator 3, Mary say-ed it was a damn Row-baw-tik woman in it. I didn’t know there was a robotic woman. Hell she said she was kicking his ass. Well, she didn’t say that cause she’s one’a them real religious types
-Moron-face
There’s one thing I can tell ya about Mike McDaniels…(really long pause) He’s a dick.
-Moron-face
I bullshit you not, it was like King Kong, Bigfoot, Godzilla and some kind of giant Tarantuala went and took a fuckin' dump over there -that's how bad it smelled.
-Moron-face
You Know Predators have been here since the civil war, that's what happens in the first one.
-Moron-face
Sol-10 it’s like paint thinner, but it’s more baddasser. I could put like 4 drops in there and thin that shit out
-Moron-face in regards to a bottle of dried out white-out.
You’re called an omnivore not an atkins-a-vore
-Michael Savage
Red-Diaper-Doper-Baby
-Michael Savage’s term for liberals
Chaos World: No Escape?!?
-Jaime Bininger’s Ill fated TGIT
I says maybe some women ain’t so dumb
-Moron-face
I heard Russia ain’t Russia no more.
BC: It’s not the USSR anymore
When did that happen?
BC: The end of the cold war… fall of the Berlin Wall…
Oh, I knew about that, but I didn’t know Russia was a part of that.
-Moron-face
Annalyse is so scared of everything she’s like a little wood-land creature
-JW
tryin’ to call in WBN is like trying to go up and slap the fuckin’ president, and knowin’ how things are in the world now that wouldn’t be that difficult with all this politics happening.
-Moron-face
It chipped her… her beaver teeth, if you know what I mean. ---well, do ya?
-Moron-face
I almost beat the holy fuck out of him.
-Moron-face
I say turn the tables around like reverse ‘em that’s what they’d do to us. Like beatin’ us… hurtin’ us… terrorizing. --That shit.
-Moron-face
Hell that plan covers anything. if I wanted to get my nuts cut—it’d pay for it. If I needed my arm cut off and amputated –it’d pay for it.
-Moron-face
Cause ya know my grandma works in a bar down there. I don’t know which one, but I’m gonna find out… one’a these days.
-Moron-face
Mass call-offs, firing people like the military shoots off guns
-Moron-face
This is my baby, this is my son I want to be there when he, ya know, comes out of her.
-Moron-face
My ex-ole lady got me one a’ them
-Moron-face
I think the crookedst president we ever had was Bill Clinton.
BC: What about Nixon
What’d he do?
BC: Nixon? Watergate? i am not a crook?
Huh?
BC: he resigned from office…
I remember the presidents just not in order
-Moron-face –making no sense at all as per usual
See, I always thought for the longest time that George Washington was our first President
-Moron-face
Aw, that one was funny as hell, it was a comedy more or less
-Moron-face
He was folded up in truck and sleeping like a baby… like in a baby position… like a fecal position.
-Moron-face
Bush is the only Republican running isn’t he?
-Moron-face
They say they got a, like a, filter you can put on your gas tank so you can get 100 miles to a gallon. Imagine fillin’ up you’re ride on ‘at. Hell you got what, like a 20 gallon tank? Twenty times a hundred… hell figure that up and that's how far you could go. I ain’t to good at maths.
-Moron-face
Ahh Reading is Fun!
-BB on Bushisms
The Answer to your question lies in your understanding of the placenta
-Janis Cassiere or a magic 8-ball gone awry
“8-6-2004
If you’re having people on the
grounds while your working
please notify the Plant Supervisor
Before having people on the grounds
This was Spoken by Egon Norwell
Time: 22:50”
-Actual note left by J. Bullock at MSD Cincinatti
I never was much for readin’, I watched the cartoon…
-Moron-face on X-men
Wolverine with his sarcastic attitude –that made him who he is.
-Moron-face
I got lots’a games on my computer, I built it for games I got deer hunter, deer avenger, wacky wheels, deer hunter 2, duke nuke’em.
-Moron-face
The Body of Steve Schoefield
-Charlie Roetting on words that kept scrolling through his head in a dream
What the Fuck are They Doin’?
It’s the Clown Scene Bobby.
But... What the Fuck are They Doin’?
The Clown Scene
-Bobby Worrix terribly confused at Alyssa through the Glass rehersal–later to become his own personal catchphrase
Do you know Steven Hunter?
Better than you might think…
Charlie Roetting [with a secret?]
Im sorry I didn’t realize you were waiting. I was just back there… in the back playing w/ the stamps… Have you ever stopped to look at your stamps… I never really knew why people collected stamps… but… they’re, they’re like little pieces of art. Look at this one it’s a swan.
NKU post office guy sharing the beauty of the postage stamp.
I was wearin’ it, but it’s not my shirt.
Whose was it?
I don’t know it was here when we got here. I just put it on cause I was cold.
-Random Freshman in the lounge Fall 04--- luckily they never made
I thought scrotum was just another name for penis.
-BB 2 weeks from being a 21 yrold homosexual
“mom, how do they fit it in that little hole”
“they just do”
For years I thought gay sex was putting a penis into a penis
-John West relating his thoughts on gay sex when he was 6 yrs old
Oh you’ll only drink something someone hands you… Well here hold my dick and drink that.
-Big Star Warren Bryson
Well it’s not like you can say Misty, don’t shuffle about…
-Aaron Whitehead
BB: What was his name? Corn…Cornpone??
BC: Lee Calhoun?
BB: That’ll do.
Brian trying to remember the characters in Babes in Arms
I would pretend that I was tap-dancing on the freezer in my grandmother’s dairy bar
-BB
For the longest time I wanted to be a paleontologist. My Grandmother would show me off I could name a dinosaur for every letter of the alphabet
-BB
Well I just found out Jimmy [Hoppers] got a Blow-Job from his retarded uncle
-Lindsay Mitchell
2006…………………
Having gas is not fun when you have a dance belt on – You’re all corked up.
-BB
We had sex 3 or 4 times –it was intense then we went back to Barnes and Noble –and his mom picked him up.
-BB
It’s Brian and Rodney’s Neo Nazi Dance Party
` -Me
Out of the wall, off the box, whatever you want to say
-Mastriani
Lezlie: …Look my daddy is dead, you don’t have to tell me to be quiet
Hatton: I’ll take that as a “here”
Lezlie Dumbass Christian as Mad-Hatton takes role in Playscript
I’m still wrestling with what to call Danny he’s not the archetypal hero per say. But who are we to really ask these questions.
-Brandon Ashcraft sounding like an idiot… as per usual.
Now, let’s say you could watch channel nine… or the Mafia News Network, Watch it or you’re gonna die!
-Mastriani on Credibility… I think.
Reality shows ARE our lives
-Gay-ey Mc-Not-Gay in Tar Hist III
AB: I think if writing doesn't work out I can always be a painter
Sammy Z: like a house painter?
AB: No. Like an Artist, I've had a lot of people tell me they would by my paintings.
-Adam Bass sharing his ever-brilliant life plan with an indreulous Sam Zachary
Fun Facts with Denise: Sitcoms are like 19th century comedy of Manners
SB: My Manager at work didn’t eat or drink in observance of…
Colthorpe: Yom Kippur…
SB: Yeah That one.
Stepahanie Brockman and Jewthorpe Tar His III
You can’t, You Can’t beat Chicken Little!
-BB
The earth’s really tilted tonight
-BB on the moon
I swear I think that cat is in love with me
-BB
Oh he does have a big Schnoze
It’s like Thomas Paine… or Du-rante
-BB on some tar hist person’s nose.
I feel like I’m dating Master Betty
-BB on Leeds
What about clocks? Had they been invented yet?
-Jen “Sky Taylor” /“Juice-box” Majewski on late 18th century France
Fun Facts with Denise: Did you know that the shift from a more formal agriterean based society to a dense industrial economy in….yada,yada,yada
I knew this guy and there was this… uh… drunk driving wreck… and they had to put makeup on his hands to cover bruises I mean how many times do you have big bruises on your hands?
-Adam Lake
An Informative speech require more thought OR organization
-Mastriani. apparently one or the other will work, but both= overkill
They’ve got as many holes as a colander
-Matriani
As they say, “It ain’t obviously necessarily so”
…the jury sees the red stain on his pants and say “he must be guilty”… But the stain was paint!
-On Mastriani, Private Dick
The Mystery of the the speeding ticket… cloud vs lead weight
-On Mastriani, Private Dick
Apples and apples, not apples and kumkwats
-Mastriani
“I want to lick cough syrup off of you”… I mean, do you have a cold ?
-Lindsay Mitchell channeling Jerry Seinfeld to question Kristen’s tactics de la suductione
The crux of the pressure point of the play
-Brandon Ashcraft rambling into oblivion
Russian Theatre> Leo Tolstoy> Gandhi> Martin Luther King Jr> Rosa Parks> Law and Order(the tv show)> Leo Tolstoy
-The most ridiculously insane circle of random connections in Tar Hist II... Bravo Robertson. Bravo.
Costume changes began with the caveman who donned animal horns and furs to re-enact the hunt
-B. Robertson –losing my respect
William West= Master Betty, the Danny Bonaduchie of his day.
-B. Robertson
Speaking of costumes… we really wanted to carry the show on costumes.
I heard they actually had super-computers but they were destroyed
-Adam Lake on the Greeks
Megan brings up a good point inadvertently
-B. Robertson Tar Hist III inadvertently slamming the Jewthorpe
Fun Facts with Denise: Don’t you think it’s similar to the French Revolution
(in a discussion of Einstein and Frued’s influence on late 19th / early 20th century realism)
She passed out on the bed… so we put her on the elevator.
Speech class guy
I was the laugh of the day, that day… but that’s pretty much everyday
-Katie Vickers in speech class.
Dart father of Trad Longaweigh
-actual name
Trey Burngasser
-another unfortunate name
Speech product presentation for “Magic Ginger: as a use for pregnant women to ease morning sickness”
Girl 1:…and She’ll be telling you who this product is targeted at
Girl 2: It’s mainly targeted at Women… usually pregnant… or men
Now by “Alien” do they mean black?
Gabe on speech about harvesting Colorful ExtraTerrestrials as Slave workers
JW:I never met anyone with pupils as big as me
Leah Beth: Pupils are good. I mean, you see good and stuff
Oh yeah, what about that Scopes versus Monkey trial
-BB
He… He talks about Butt sex… And in the crudest terms possible
-BB on Chris Karr
(googly eyes) I have a secret pile
-BB [for the record I cannot for the life of me remember what this was about]
Then my third brother would… Have you ever seen Dumbo? –that’s what we were reenacting!
-BB
They burned homosexuals and jews… which is unfortunate of course…
-Devlin in Tar Hist IV
Ah yes there’s a hog roast! My brothers graduation!
-BB
I would stick the American Flag in [my ass] but I wouldn’t fill it with anything.
-A.J. McFoley
Here’s my prophecy: There will be a day… when vending machines take debt cards
-BB
I’ve never been out of the country or even the Tri-State.
(a few minutes later while talking to someone else)
I was 14 when the whole 9/11 thing happened I was in New York on a class trip.
-weird religious old/young girl caught in a lie by me
You can dote on someone you have a crush on, You can dote on someone you have a deep relationship with, or someone that’s a purely platonic friend… Dote doesn’t mind
-T. Flem trying to explain the definition of “dote” to a group of blockheads
Fleet as Quick silver
-Auora book
When One is courting cole slaw for dinner
-Auora book
Peter Lawford was in movies and acting.
…well he’s dead now.
Alex’s Grandparents
I think it’s… uh, Irony because it’s called Happy Days and it isn’t very happy.
-Stephanie Brockman
We were like a perfect triangle… and I was the point.
(after questioning the logic of that statement)
Well it was like an isosceles triangle and with all of us there we came it came to full circle.
BB’s love “triangle” at SETC
Mike King: …There are those that just become theatre majors because they don’t want to work (and then Brandon Ashcraft walks into class fifteen minutes late…irony))
Has there ever been a suitcase about dance?
-BB(meaning lawsuit or court case)
When Dance is done, dance is done
-Denise Devlin
You know what sounds good? Coconut rum and sprite
Ewww
It’s actually really good.
I don’t like coconut
(dejected) I don’t either… But it’s actually really good.
You need to call my boyfriend and tell him to bring me some MF’n flowers
What Happened?
He’s never brought me flowers.
He hasn’t had a reason to
Still…
-two girls on the elevator
sex is a very mature thing and so is driving…
-Stephanie Brockman
I totally got “raped” in that scene
-Megan Colthorpe
Those men with their Panama Hats and white suits… I felt the warmth
-Denise Devlin (and her vagina)
Jet Lag, and it’s time to be getting out that little pot of paint and paint the town red – we painted the whole of Northern France, we did.
-T. Flem
I had cyber-sex with John Lovitz last night.
-BB
That music is coming from aloof
-BB
Who showed it?
Brian Robertson
Oh..Im gonna spank him!
-Mike King distraught over B-Rob showing Einstein at the beach in directing class
I don’t think the play would have worked if one was named Titanic and the other Ice Berg
-Denise Devlin on Top Dog/Under Dog
Do you know why you can't write drama? Because you ARE drama
-Adam Bass at the zenith of melodramatic overeaction
We just don’t have time Cupples!
(when asked why he’s repeatedly searing his mouth on hot food as opposed to letting cool)
-BB
It wasn’t meant to be funny I was just joking
-BB
THE BRIAN BAILEY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
BB: A year long celebration!
Magician: Of What?
BB: Of Me!
By my 23rd Birthday – Not only will I have been in my first Broadway show –But I also will have developed a new dance genre. Along with the names of Fosse and Bennet, --Bailey, oh and I’ll probably be in a porno – they pay so much.
-BB
If alcohol came in pill form I’d be in heaven
-BB
My face is tight… I feel like I just had botox
-BB
Oh my god it’s like Robutussin
-BB
Man I need to get fucked… right now.
-BB
Am I good? My man, My man --- I play everything! (starts miming the trombone)
-BB
Treakle Tart
(BB gives Alyssa a nickname)
City-Fucking-Beat didn’t come to Chorus-Fucking-Line they only come to Sandy-Fucking-Plays.
-BB
I can never do those thumb movies… because I have no feeling in my thumbs.
-BB
The Steroids are sweepin’ the nation! EVERYBODY’S TAKING THEM!
-BB
You know what we learned in Biology? Alcohol stimulates… It helps you have an erection—don’t be scared I don’t have one right now.
-BB
My blood pressure is busting my head
-BB
What that one movie, it’s sick it’s just sick where they get the hay fever (meaning cabin fever)
--BB
John Lovitz, everybody’s named John Lovitz these days. It’s like John Smith. John Smith and Pocahontas… Pocahontas…Poca-fucking-hontas – that’s what I call her… ho-bag. Alyssa looked like Pocahontas tonight.
-BB
There was a Giant civil war that killed all the parots and the boys…
-BB
I can’t feel my teeth! I’ve got dentures!
-BB
My aunt, She’s turning 90 this year. She was born in 1912… What’s a toucan doing drinking Guinness??
-BB
(Whilst rubbing Chris Wiley’s Sweater)You know Suede comes from pigs.
-BB
yall are the kings… of action
-mcoy
(on giving directions) I just love saying left, right,left right, not knowing a fuck where I’m going…especially on a bike
-BB
I wounder if she has sex with that cat?
-BB
JW: What would happen if we were both drunk?
BB: You know what would happen if we were both drunk? –we’d bring back vaudeville, you know we would. –Magician would perform at the Intermission --- and you, you Cupples! You could do our makeup!
…..And at that point he’s in the red room finger fucking a 14 year old.
-Charlie making a guess on Ashcraft’s activities.
We’re going to put our Indians... Indian.... The food in your fridge.
-Hannah D
Not... the people right? Just checking.
-Charlie
I don’t know how im supposed to argue that, you can’t debate a lasagna
-Comrade Pernivek
I just don't know what to feel right now, what do you think I should be feeling
-Adam Bass
Let me tell you about Clinton Dick… He rode my bus…
-BB talking about a pebbles kid
estatiotion vs ASStition –katie vickers
ehhhh less is more
-sidney in pained slump
last nigh i jammed my toe and half my toe went into my toe thing
-Sid von Burns
nobody asked me about stupid maimed nub stick guy. he had his seeing eye stick...
-L mit
i didn't steal the potatoes but I did have a boner.
-Sid von Burns
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